I was talking to someone from the Sinclair Institute the other day and I had a chance to ask them what’s the 2 most popular questions that you get when people contact you. I was surprised that her answer was about first time users of sex toys.

Erica, the lady from Sinclair Institute, said that customers ask what the difference is between a dildo and a vibrator. The biggest difference is that a dildo doesn’t have a motor so there’s no vibration with it. Dildos can be made of cyberskin, silicone, jelly, or glass. Glass and pyrex are more popular materials for dildos these days. This material is hypo-allergenic since they can by cleaned in the dishwasher or boiled on the stove to clean. Glass can also warm to your inside temperature or you can cool it down by putting in the fridge.

Erica said that the second most popular question that she gets is what type of sex toy do I start with. You may want to start with something small so that you can get used to it and then graduate from there. The most important thing is to pick a size that looks confortable to you.

Put a spin on oral sex by getting a third party in on the action - a sex toy. While he’s pleasuring you have him lay a vibrating bullet against his cheek. It creates a hum that’s not too intense for you thanks to the buffering effect of his skin. This will also work for you to do it to him and using the vibrating bullet.

While there are some vibrators and dildos/dongs that are intended for anal use, this category covers all other kinds of anal toys - butt plugs and anal beads. When using any anal toy, be sure to apply plenty of lube to the toy and your anus for smooth, safe penetration.

Butt plugs tend to vary widely in length, but they’re generally wider than most other sex toys meant for anal use. Because of this feature, butt plugs are mainly the playground for experienced anal toy users instead of beginners. Butt plugs also contain a large flat base so butt plugs can be easily removed.

Anal beads are a string of several beads that can be inserted anally. These beads start off small and then grow larger, offering something for beginners and experienced sex toy users. Some of the anal beads even vibrate with movement so just walking to the water cooler can send your rear tingling.

There are a variety of sex toys out there to pick from. Different styles, sizes and materials make it hard to figure out which one is best. There are some questions that you need to ask yourself first.

What do you want to use it for – clitoris, vaginal, or anal? Do you want something that will hit the clitoris and vagina at the same time? Then a dual action vibe like a rabbit or pearl panther is for you. If you want something for just anal play then remember to make sure it has a flared base so that it doesn’t slip all the way in. G-spot vibrators, glass dildos, and anal vibrators are for more advanced stimulation.

How strong do you want your vibration? If you masturbate with a firm rub on the clitoris rather than a light touch, you are more likely to appreciate a strong vibration. Picking a toy with variable speed control so that you can play with it to see what works for you would be a good way to go.

How big do you want it? If you are someone who travels a lot then maybe something small like a pocket rocket is the way to go. If you plan to use the vibe for penetration, the girth of the toy may be just as crucial as the vibrating intensity. If you are not sure how much girth you want, go smaller rather than larger so you will know your new toy will fit.

How much do you want to spend? A bullet or vibrating egg may be the least expensive option for you but don’t let their size full you. They are quite strong and can be used all over both of your bodies in all of your erogenous zones. Some people like to start off with the cheaper one if they have never had a vibrator before but if you talk to anyone who has had one they will tell you that the deluxe, spinning dual action vibes are the best way to go. These are what some people refer to as the pearl rabbit, pearly panther, or lickin lizard vibrators.

Sex toys have come a long way. They now have different materials to pick from too so get familiar with them and have fun trying out all kinds of different ones to see what works best for you.

1. Sex Toys Make Some Things Easier

It’s easier for many women to orgasm with a vibrator, it’s easier for women to get clitoral stimulation during intercourse with a vibrator, it’s easier to reach the G-Spot and the prostate with a sex toy, it’s easier to prolong an erection with a sex toy ~ the list could go on and on. The beauty of making things easier during sex is that you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Instead of worrying about whether you’re going to come or if you’re going to come too soon, you can relax and focus solely on the pleasure at hand.

2. Sex Toys Help You Break Out of a Routine

Do you require a certain stroke to masturbate, a particular position to orgasm, or a just-so lick during oral sex? Sex toys can expand your range, offering certain types of stimulation that hands or tongues can’t. A penis sleeve might tickle your fancy, a strap on vibrator might free you up to try different intercourse positions, or a small vibrator might add a delightful extra buzz to your next blow job. Think of sex toys as adding more entrees to an ever-expanding sexual buffet.

3. Sex Toys Inspire Sexual Confidence

By picking up a sex toy and pressing it to your genitals, you are taking responsibility for your sexual needs and desires. In a culture where we learn very little about sexual pleasure, this act alone is impressive. Rather than waiting passively for someone to fulfill all your sexual needs, you take matters into your own hands. As a result, you learn more about your sexuality, you gain greater self-confidence and expertise, and you’re more likely to have satisfying sexual encounters in the future.

4. Sex Toys Spice Up Partner Sex

Sex toys actually enhance partner sex play by enabling you do certain things you might not otherwise be able to ~ whether it’s a vibrator adding just the right clitoral stimulation during intercourse, or a butt plug that makes coming from prostate stimulation possible.

5. Sex Toys Make the Mood

You’ll discover that certain types of sex play beg for some sex toy accessories. That back caress may feel even better when it’s given with a warm oil, that kiss may resonate even more deeply if your hands are tied to the bed posts, and that cyber fling might short circuit your computer if you’re wearing a vibrator. Adding sex toys can incite your imagination and lend just the right spark of adventure to your love life.

Excerpted from The Many Joys of Sex Toys by Anne Semans.