A variety of vibrator styles, sizes, and materials can be both inspiring and a little daunting. Finding the perfect vibe may require some self-loving homework. Answering these few simple questions can help cut through the information overload and prevent buyer’s remorse.

What do you want to use it for?

Do you want to use it on your clitoris? Do you want to put it in your vagina or anus? Because just about anything that vibrates feels good on or around the clitoris, phallic shaped vibrators suitable for penetration can also be used outside the vagina if the vibration is strong at the tip. Do you want both the full feeling of penetration and that all-important clitoral buzz? Dual-action vibes mean never having to choose one feeling at the expense of the other.

If you intend to use a toy for anal insertion, make sure it has a flared base so that it doesn’t slip all the way in. While there are vibrating toys made especially for anal use, most are not, so its best to get one specifically designed for anal play, if that’s what you fancy.

How strong do you want your vibration to be?

If you have never used a vibrator before, this is a tough question to answer with certainty so prepare to experiment! If you masturbate with a firm rub on the clitoris rather than a light touch, you are more likely to appreciate a strong vibration. Pick a toy with a variable speed control so you can play around until you discover just what amount of vibration starts your motor. After some initial investigation, you’ll be ready to home in on your vibrating dream date.

How much do you want to spend?

Though the Silver Bullet is the least expensive vibrator we sell, its quite strong and very good-looking. Some people like to start with a few of the cheaper ones and test them out. But if the deluxe, spinning, fluttering dual-action Japanese vibrator is within your budget, and you have a sense that it will float your boat, by all means skip the preliminaries and go for it.

How big do you want it to be?

Discreet purse-size toys like a “pocket rocket” hold a lot of appeal for those on the go. But if your vibrator is never going far beyond your bedside drawer, size may not be a concern. If you plan to use the vibe for penetration, the girth of the toy may be just as crucial as the vibrating intensity. If you are not sure how much girth you want, go smaller rather than larger so you will know your new toy will fit. But remember, the vaginal wall was built to stretch!

The final criterion to use is your own aesthetic. Say you have whittled the choices down to two or three contenders, and considered all the available information. Now its time to cast rational thinking aside and pick the one that tickles that sexy part of your imagination. It may be the prettiest one, the kinkiest one, or the most comforting and familiar one. Desire and aesthetic are deeply personal and entwined; so pick the vibrator or vibrators that speak to you.

You take your new girlfriend out to a hot new restaurant for dinner, then to the bar for a couple cocktails. Conversation and libations are flowing – until you get home and into the bedroom. Suddenly, when it comes to doing the deed, Man’s Best Friend just won’t cooperate. Damn that last martini, you think to yourself; I should’ve had something much, um, stiffer.

Don’t panic! Erectile difficulty, the catch-all name for troubles with getting it up, happens at some point to almost every human being who owns a penis. If you’re one of those human beings – that is, a man – read on to find out why it’s so not the end of the world – or even the end of night.
The Lowdown

First things first: you get an erection when blood flows into your penis, making it thick and stiff. Now, erectile difficulty can be caused by physiological issues or psychological issues, or a combination of the two. Psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Lori Buckley, of Pasadena, California, says that ED can be the result of being a smoker, being overweight, having prostate problems or diabetes, or of other cardiovascular problems that limit blood flow in general. And yes, it can be caused by too much booze; while alcohol’s supposed to relax you, it sure can backfire! If you have consistent erectile difficulty, visit your doctor for a check-up to make sure that you’re healthy and that you’re eating a balanced diet.
Doing It

Of course, ED can be caused by nerves and performance anxiety, too. And if you let that anxiety affect your self-esteem, one limp situation, so to speak, can snowball into permanent insecurity. “Men have an emotional connection to their penises,” says Dr. Buckley. “They think women feel the same way, and fear rejection.” A fear of rejection is natural, but you’ll fear no more if you think of pleasure, not performance or penetration, as your goal. That’s the sure-fire way for both partners to end the night smiling. Here’s how:

Relax. As lots of women will tell you, “sex” does not necessarily mean “intercourse.” Focus on each moment of pleasure instead of thinking ahead to the end result. That way, when you do get hard, sex will be even better.

Remember, it’s okay if you lose your erection! “It’s not gone forever,” Dr. Buckley assures. “But what you do when you lose it makes a big difference. Instead of stressing out, focus on other things: spend some time arousing your partner; curl up for some cuddling or kissing; or just go watch a movie and try again later.
What about the magic pill?

Erection-sustaining prescription drugs, such as Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis, which are taken thirty minutes before intercourse and can last up to a couple of days, can be a good option, in Dr. Buckley’s opinion. “They can act as an insurance policy,” she points out. “They take the pressure off, because you know they’re there if you need them.” But she suggests trying drug-free solutions first, since relying on a pill unnecessarily won’t do your self-esteem any good. If you’re considering taking erection-sustaining medication, talk to your doctor about which drug is right for you.

Check out these resources for more information on ED:

The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld (New York: Bantam, 1999)
http://www.sexualhealth.com
http://www.webmd.com