23rd June 2006

Orgasms - Male and Female

Content by BetterSex.com - the #1 Authority on Sex. Tip # 1: The Female Orgasm »

Tip # 2: Function of Female Orgasm »

Tip # 3: Achieving Orgasm »

Tip # 4: The Clitoris »

Tip # 5: Length of a Female Orgasm »

Tip # 6: Male Orgasm Basics »

Tip # 7: Orgasm Competition? »

Tip # 8: Prolonging Pleasure »

Tip # 9: Lubrication and Friction »

Tip # 10: Orgasm and Ejaculation »

Tip # 1: The Female Orgasm

The female orgasm is a subject that has always garnered a lot of attention. The first vibrator was invented in the Victorian era to relieve a woman’s “hysteria” by bringing her to orgasm. These vibrators were actually administered by doctors, and used to cure a woman of what we would later accept as a perfectly natural function of a human body: sex drive. During the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, even the type of a woman’s orgasm was debated. At the time, vaginal orgasms, which were triggered by stimulation of the internal G-Spot, were said to be the more “mature” than clitoral orgasms. However, this mode of thinking has been abandoned for the most part in the 21st century.

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Tip # 2: Function of Female Orgasm

No one will argue that we enjoy experiencing orgasms because they feel good. Apart from that, we are aware that the overriding purpose of a male orgasm, physiologically speaking, is to send semen into the vagina for the purpose of fertilizing an egg within the uterus. However, not many people realize that there is a physiological purpose for the female orgasm as well. During the internal spasms of a woman’s orgasm, the mouth of the cervix dips down to “catch” any semen that may be present in the vagina, thereby helping pull sperm up and into the uterus. While it is by no means necessary for a woman to orgasm in order to become pregnant, her orgasm can increase the odds for conception to occur.

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Tip # 3: Achieving Orgasm

Nearly every human being is physically able to experience sexual pleasure. But many women in particular claim never to have achieved orgasm. One of the reasons for this is an emotional withdrawal due to feelings of shame or insecurity concerning sex. A way to remedy this is to reconsider attitudes toward sex. Remember that sexuality is normal, healthy, and necessary. Women who have difficulty achieving orgasm can also work with a partner she trusts to move past previous emotional blockages. Sometimes, it is best to simply forget the goal of orgasm and simply enjoy the sensation of being touched. It takes time to change life-long attitudes. Don’t rush yourself, but do continue to think positively about sex and sexuality. This is the best way to develop a healthy sex life.

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Tip # 4: The Clitoris

Perhaps one of the most elusive spots in a woman’s anatomy is her clitoris. For some, its mystery is a source of frustration as the clitoris is often the key to triggering the female orgasm. In fact, it is not so difficult to find. The head, or glans, of the clitoris is located just below the top of where the inner lips of the vagina meet. There is often a small flap of skin protecting it, and once lifted, the clitoris can be seen quite clearly. Think of the clitoris as a female’s version of a penis. Biologically speaking, it is, although fluids do not pass through this area. During clitoral stimulation, as with penis stimulation, blood flow is increased. This causes the clitoris to become erect, much like a penis. Of course, the size is drastically reduced, but some clitoral erections can be quite prominent.

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Tip # 5: Length of the Female Orgasm

While it may seem to take a long time to achieve female orgasm, the orgasm itself typically lasts only a few seconds. (This is true for men as well.) The female orgasm consists of approximately three to ten rhythmic muscular contractions. These occur to the outer one-third of the vagina, the uterus, and the anal area. Pleasant sensations are typically also felt in the clitoral area and indeed over the whole body. Some women are multi-orgasmic. That is, they are able to achieve several orgasms in fairly rapid succession. Men are typically not able to experience this, as their physical “recovery” time is longer between orgasms.

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Tip # 6: Male Orgasm Basics

When men are sexually stimulated, the reflex centers of the spinal cord begin to emit impulses that move from the cord to the genitals and initiate emission, (the precursor to ejaculation). Fluid from the vas deferens, the prostate, the ampulla, and the seminal vesicles (and even more tiny glands) are sent into the internal urethra by contractions of the groin muscles. This action elicits signals that are transmitted through the pudenda nerves from the spinal cord. Increases in pressure in the urethra cause the semen to be propelled to the exterior, resulting in ejaculation. This phase of emission and ejaculation is termed male orgasm. After ejaculation, erection ceases within 1 to 2 minutes in most males.

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Tip # 7: Orgasm Competition?

Men usually have an easier time achieving orgasm than women. Because of this, many men feel that it’s their obligation to take care of their partner’s sexual needs before their own. While this is an admirable stance to take, over time ¬ñ particularly in a long-term relationship — result in a deprivation of enjoyment for the man. Women can remedy this by occasionally giving her partner the freedom to concentrate only on his own pleasure. This can be done by telling him he doesn’t have to worry about pleasuring you; he should only think of himself. Alternately, you can simply have him lie back and enjoy an evening of you pleasuring him completely.

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Tip # 8: Prolonging Pleasure

As a general rule, the longer the stimulation, the larger the release. This is true physically as well as mentally. In order to prolong pleasure during lovemaking and prevent male orgasm from occurring too soon, it’s important to start slowly. Even just talking to each other about the sex you’d like to have is a turn-on, and can initiate arousal. Once you begin to touch, you may wish to begin with a backrub or deep kissing before moving to intercourse. Once you do begin making love, you can also bring a man back from the brink of orgasm with a squeezing technique. Just prior to his orgasm, put your thumb on one side of the base of the penis and the tips of your index and middle fingers on the other side, then squeeze.

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Tip # 9: Lubrication and Friction

Two elements that are important to the male orgasm are lubrication and friction. The correct levels of both need to be achieved in order to achieve orgasm, either through masturbation or intercourse. Not enough lubrication is uncomfortable for both you and your partner, while too much can impede sensation and even cause a numbing feeling. Friction is essential to orgasm, beyond the obvious need for direct physical stimulation of the penis. The quality of an orgasm can improve once you find the level of friction that suite you best. Experiment at the moment you find your orgasm coming on, either by slowing down or speeding up, alternately. Also pay attention to how soft or hard you prefer the stroking motions of masturbation or intercourse at varying points during the sexual experience.

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Tip # 10: Orgasm and Ejaculation

Male orgasm and ejaculation are two distinct entities. This may seem obvious to many, but in reality, many men have mistakenly considered them be one and the same. Just prior to orgasm, the seminal fluids that build up at the base of the penis in the urethral bulb, create the feeling that you’re about to ejaculate. While reaching orgasm, the testicles tighten, and the urinary tract closes temporarily so that ejaculate can exit from the penis without interference from the bladder. The muscular contractions are the sensations of orgasm (along with other neurological messages being sent to the brain). However, ejaculation is actually a spontaneous muscle spasm. It is a reflex that arises at the base of the spine and causes the ejection of semen. The average male ejaculates about 3 to 5 ml of semen at a time. Each milliliter holds about 150 to 500 million sperm. This spasm also produces a pleasant sensation, which may be why many men assume orgasm and ejaculation are the same experience.

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19th June 2006

Wedding & Anniversary Sex Tips

Content by BetterSex.com - the #1 Authority on Sex. Tip # 1: Tips for a Healthy Married Sex Life »

Tip # 2: The Kama Sutra »

Tip # 3: Watching Together »

Tip # 4: Erotic Talk »

Tip # 5: The Art of Seduction »

Tip # 6:  For Deeper Penetration »

Tip # 7:  The Art of Seduction »

Tip # 8:  Sex Toys »

Tip # 9:  Erogenous Zones »

Tip # 10:  Puttin On The Sock »

Tip # 1: Tips for a Healthy Married Sex Life

One of the biggest worries couples face when they decide to get married is the idea of spending the rest of their lives with one sexual partner. It‚Äôs a valid concern, but there are plenty of options for couples to help keep their intimacy alive in and out of the bedroom. THE WEDDING NIGHT While not many couples need assistance in making wedding night sex hot, there are a few tips for making it the memorable experience it‚Äôs meant to be. Even if you‚Äôve been together for years, there will never be another ‚Äúfirst night.‚Äù Take the time to set the scene. Beautiful bed linens, flowers, candles, and even incense can transform your wedding night bedroom into a romantically sacred space. Although there will inevitably be a lot of expectation, don‚Äôt rush toward intercourse. Talk to each other, meditate, and give each other massages… The build-up is all part of the fun. When you do make love, remember to focus on each other. This night of all nights should be a celebration of the person you have chosen to share your life with. Relay this to your spouse by treating him/her to a night of selfless passion. Because you‚Äôll most likely be expending a lot of energy, it‚Äôs a good idea to have fresh fruit at the ready. Feed each other. Not only will you be nourishing your bodies, you‚Äôll be taking another opportunity to share intimacy with your mate. Your wedding night should not only be fun and memorable, it should set the tone of your future together. Do your best to make it as blissful as you intend your marriage to be. ANNIVERSARIES As humans, we find comfort in ritual. The marriage ceremony itself is a ritual. So is celebrating that date every year. In order to help the passion of your wedding night echo throughout your married life, you may consider establishing a romantic ritual that you first perform on the night of your wedding, and then carry over to each anniversary. Choose something that you only do that one day a year, and that will be relatively easy to recreate for the rest of your lives. It should be flexible enough to accommodate whatever location your may be in, the eventuality of children, and even your lives as older adults. A champagne bubble bath is a perfect choice. Starting on your wedding night and every year thereafter, fill a tub and climb in with your spouse and a bottle of bubbly. Besides the two of you, this ritual only really involves three ingredients: a working tub, suds, and a bottle of champagne! Relaxing together in this way is a wonderful take some time to appreciate each other, and it‚Äôs certainly an ideal precursor to a night of incredible sex. MARRIED SEX But how do you keep your sex lives vibrant during marriage? The key is variety. If you lived with your spouse before you married, you probably already have a good handle on how to change up your sexual routine: Alternate the kinds of sex you have. A quickie here and there, a spontaneous act of lust, a well-planned seduction… Keep in mind, however, that the long-luxurious rainy-day sex you used to have may not be possible if/when you have children, so you‚Äôll need to get creative. Switch up scheduled sex dates for a little ‚Äúplanned spontaneity‚Äù: During the times you know you‚Äôll have privacy, keep it an unstated possibility (or probability) that one or the other will pounce. The anticipation alone is often a great turn-on. Overall, respect and love for your spouse is what keeps a married sex life healthy. What you develop in your daily lives together is what you bring to your sex together. Sex is one of the most intimate forms of communication we have. Treat each other well from the very first day of your marriage, and your sex life will naturally reflect that love.

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Tip # 2: The Kama Sutra

Contrary to popular belief, the ancient book of The Kama Sutra — or, Aphorisms on Love — was not intended as a sex manual. These sacred writings form India about sexual union were only a portion of the book‚Äôs deeper message of spiritual wholeness. Still, Kama Sutra sex positions are illustrated and explained in many modern sex books and videos as a means to develop our sexual acumen. Many of the [tantra positions] are not so different from what we already practice. For example a position which is called The Splitting of the Bamboo is very similar to an alternate version of the Missionary position, in that the woman places one of her legs on her lover’s shoulder, and stretches the other out, then switches the position of her legs. Experimenting with different lovemaking positions such as the ones illustrated in the Kama Sutra can help add excitement to ones lovemaking.

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Tip # 3: Watching Together

One of the most fun bonding experiences for couples is watching and erotic film together. There are a few things to keep in mind, however, before you get started. First, make sure you both are interested in seeing the film. There’s nothing fun in leaving your partner behind in an attempt to have a good time. Choose the film together. Make sure there is something about it that you both will enjoy. After all, you both will be sharing the experience. Lastly, have fun! Watching the film together may or may not result in the two of you having sex, so don’t expect anything. Just have a good time. It’s most important that the two of you have done something together as a couple.

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Tip # 4: Erotic Talk

Don’t underestimate the power of words as a first-rate sexual technique. Erotic talk can be done during sex or when you and your partner are not together and want to keep the flames burning (having phone sex, for example). However, many people are at a loss about what to say during sex. Sometimes it helps not to think of it as talking “dirty” to your partner. Simply tell telling him/her what you would like to do with him/her is arousing enough. Alternatively, you can share a fantasy or an erotic dream. Keep in mind that your partner may have difficulty opening up verbally. Respect that. Always pay attention to your lover’s comfort level.

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Tip # 5: The Art of Seduction

One of the best sexual techniques anyone can learn is how to seduce your lover. It’s not as complex or time-consuming as it may seem. Sometimes, just a simple compliment such as, “You’re so beautiful/handsome” will do wonders for your lover’s self esteem and make him/her more willing and excited to be close to you intimately. Alternately, you can write a love letter and leave it in a place you know s/he will find it when you are not around. It’s almost guaranteed your lover will be thinking of you all day and will want to get back to you for some lovemaking. If you’re out together, why not flirt the way you did when you first met? Flirting is a wonderful way to keep love fresh and alive. No matter how you choose to seduce, do something new every once in a while just to let your partner know you care.

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Tip # 6:  For Deeper Penetration

Once you‚Äôre in the penetration stage of lovemaking, there is a technique men can use to thrust even deeper than they may have realized they could. Some positions, such as the Blossoming Flower — or any other position where the woman‚Äôs legs are spread and her hips are even slightly elevated — are best for this technique. On the in-thrust, just when you think you cannot go any deeper, pause for a second, then press just a little further right before you pull back, as though you‚Äôve just swum a lap and are pushing off the wall of the pool. Start slowly at first, to build a rhythm, then you can begin to move faster if you wish. Your partner should begin to anticipate the final deep push and may even instinctively assist by relaxing her vaginal muscles slightly (to let you in further) or lifting her hips a little higher. For both partners, that extra little push goes a long way toward more intense pleasure.

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Tip # 7:  The Art of Seduction

One of the best sexual techniques anyone can learn is how to seduce your lover. It’s not as complex or time-consuming as it may seem. Sometimes, just a simple compliment such as, “You’re so beautiful/handsome” will do wonders for your lover’s self esteem and make him/her more willing and excited to be close to you intimately. Alternately, you can write a love letter and leave it in a place you know s/he will find it when you are not around. It’s almost guaranteed your lover will be thinking of you all day and will want to get back to you for some lovemaking. If you’re out together, why not flirt the way you did when you first met? Flirting is a wonderful way to keep love fresh and alive. No matter how you choose to seduce, do something new every once in a while just to let your partner know you care.

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Tip # 8:  Sex Toys

Sex toys make a great addition to your sex life, especially when the two of you need a change of pace. If you both decide you’re amenable to it, introduce something simple into your lovemaking like a vibrator. Men can use a vibrator to help arouse a woman and stimulate her natural lubrication. Perhaps one of the most important sexual techniques a man can learn is how to properly lubricate his partner before he enters her. Women can use a vibrator on her lover by gently moving it across his testicles and perineum. Be sure to move slowly, here, as this is a sensitive area, and some men are more sensitive than others. In both cases, let your lover tell you what feel right.

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Tip # 9:  Erogenous Zones

Basically speaking, the erogenous zones are the areas of the body where we feel heightened sensations of physical pleasure. There are a lot of them for most women and men. Learn them. Each person is different, so don’t expect that your lover will like the same things as you do or a previous lover did. Massage is a wonderful way to find these zones, but general touching during lovemaking is the only sure way to discover what your partner does (and doesn’t) respond to. Areas to investigate are nipples, earlobes, neck, scrotum, bellies, feet, inner arm, the small of the back, and even armpits. Since we have nerve endings all over our bodies, almost any body part is capable of delivering pleasure signals to our brains. You’ll never know until you try.

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Tip # 10:  Putting On The Sock

Everyone knows how important foreplay is to lovemaking. A great arousal technique, “Putting on the Sock,” comes from the Kama Sutra. “Putting on the Sock” may sound a little odd, but it is actually highly erotic. The woman lies on her back, while the man sits between her legs and puts his penis at the entrance of her vagina. Slowly, he caresses her vagina with his fingers. The anticipation of penetration is enough to get both of you very aroused, but this is just the beginning. Next, the man slowly replaces his fingers with his penis, using it (instead of his fingers) in the stroking motion. The continued stroking furthers arousal and should create more than enough natural lubrication. Once the woman is sufficiently turned-on, the man can end the technique by entering his partner.

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